9 Crazy Ass Things to do in Bangkok

Bangkok

BangkokBangkok is a sprawling metropolis that is considered by many a must see a Thailand. Even if you had no idea it was in Thailand, I’m sure you’ve heard people crack a joke about it. “Better watch out, I’m going to bang cock” Whatever you’ve heard was probably far more perverse than that…

You can do everything imaginable in Bangkok, even things you can’t even fathom. Other “10 boring things to do in Bangkok” articles don’t give the city the justice it deserves. Fortunately, I do very little research about a place before packing my things and hopping on the first plane to get there. This can be good and bad. It was awesome in Bangkok because I was confronted with crazy shit I never even knew existed. Let me explain.

1. Ladyboy show

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For those of you who don’t know, and in case you can’t tell from the name, a ladyboy is a slang term in Thailand used to describe a transvestite male. Bangkok, and Thailand in general, is a very liberal place especially in terms of sexuality and gender identity. Ladyboy shows are essentially designed for tourists to satisfy their curiosity. Watch them parade around stage, dance and sing to their hearts content as you look on in awe wondering whether you would second guess their gender if you were in LA.

As a male it was probably the most sexually confusing experience I have ever been in. Your ‘pelvic region’ thinks one thing while your brain is telling you “THAT IS ACTUALLY A MALE.” I highly suggest going because it’s an experience you can’t get anywhere else. Just be prepared to be groped by the ladyboys. Ladyboy shows are an experience for everyone, so ladies don’t get discouraged in going.

2. Ping pong show

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No, not the typical game of ping pong you maybe thinking of. I took this straight from Wikipedia, because, well, you can’t really explain it any better than this:

A show that “consists of women using their pelvic muscles to either hold, eject, or blow objects from their vaginal cavity. Ping pong balls are the most iconic objects used, but others include whistles, pens, cigarettes, candles, darts, spinning tops, bottles, firecrackers, razor blades, and chopsticks. A male member of the audience may be brought onto the stage to hold a balloon while a dart is shot at it, or the girl may do a shoot around the table at balloons tied to each customer’s chair. Another activity is the shooting of goldfish into a bowl, or stuffing a rather large from inside to see how long she can keep it in.

Not much more to say than that. If you want to entertain this curiosity head down to one of Bangkok’s Red Light Districts.

3. Head to Khao San Road

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Khao San Road is the backpacker mecca of Thailand, although it’s being visited increasingly by other ‘types’ of tourists. The street is littered with restaurants, bars, suit shops, and 7-eleven’s (the street itself has 2 or 3). By day, the sidewalks are covered with vendors selling souvenirs, clothing and nick-knacks. By night, the street is a sea of drunken backpackers piled into the bars that line the sidewalks.

Khao San and the surrounding streets house some of the most expensive food and beer in Thailand at their restaurants (Full Moon Party aside…), 80-90 baht a beer (2-3 USD) and depending on the place you go, the food can range from 120-480ish bhat (4-14 USD). If you want to stick with cheap food (which in my mind is the whole damn point of going to Thailand) eat at the nightly street vendors (pad thai 35 baht).

Khao San is also one of the places you can easily find insects. Which leads me to the next item…

4. Eat some creepy-crawlies

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Crickets, grasshoppers, maggots, scorpions, tarantulas, and a plethora of other small insects can be found on Khao San. If you happen to eat a scorpion, you might want a cold one to wash it down. Just a thought.

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5. Ring the bell at a Go-Go Bar

Ending up at a Go-Go bar during your trip is almost inevitable. Make it more memorable by becoming the most popular guy in the bar and ring the bell! Just make sure you bring several thousand baht to cover all the drinks you will have to buy the ladies by doing so! Check out places like Candy Land, pun intended.

6. See the whole city on a roof top bar

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A trip to Bangkok isn’t complete without a visit to one of Bankok’s many rooftop bars. There are some really great ones out there like Lebua (as seen in The Hangover), but if you want to don’t want to pay an arm and a leg for a drink hit up one of the many others!

7. Check out some dead people at the Museum of Death

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You won’t find the Museum of Death, the Siriraj Museum, in many guide books. The museums exhibits are comprised of everything from babies, to skeletons, to tsunami victims. I know what your thinking, but it’s extremely educational and well worth going. Even if you don’t want to go to see all of the cadavers, go to see all the middle school kids squeal. The people watching is even better than Venice Beach.

8. Go wild with Bangkok’s Adult Entertainment

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Ladyboys and ping pong shows are not the only adult entertainment you can get yourself into. You can scour Bangkok for their famous happy ending massage parlors, head over to a blow job bar or if your really feeling like exploiting what Thailand has to offer, or engage in prostitution (just don’t tell your girlfriend). If you partake in any of these extra curricular activities just promise me you will double-wrap, Thailand has a pretty high STD rate.

I can’t say I condone these, the point is to demonstrate that you can find just about anything you want in Bangkok.

9. Get Lost in the City

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You probably don’t speak Thai, your GPS may not work, and chances are these days you don’t carry a map. Awesome. After you’ve seen the Grand Palace and more Wat’s than you knew existed in the world, grab a Tuk-Tuk and get dropped in the middle of the city and wander to your hearts content. If you stumble upon the awesome Thanusingha Bakery then you found a jackpot! They are famous for their Portuguese, Chinese and Thai influenced snack, khanom farang kuti JinThe batter consists of duck eggs, sugar and wheat flour. No baking powder, yeast or preservatives are used. You don’t find little places like this without wandering.

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